Imposter
When witnessing the sincerity and brilliance of those around me, I cannot help but feel more intensely how much that I lack. I begin to feel unworthy of being in the spaces that they are, I feel unworthy of their praise. My brain begins to wonder how I managed to scam these people into believing that I am worth their time, let alone their compliments. I start to anticipate the day that they see me for who I really am.
It would be easier for me to see that this is mere anxiety, with no rationality or reason, but I have no evidence to believe otherwise. The people around continue to overcome obstacles and hardships, they continue to bend rules and only become more and more creative. What do I do? Breakdown over the thought of actually overcoming my biggest obstacle, dream of giving into convention, complain on a blog about my incompetence instead of using my inspiration from my peers as a driving force.
I hope that this is the last time I will gaze upon brilliance from my friends and feel dread instead of glee, I hope that I will never come here again to write about how I feel stupid and fake and lesser.